There have been few events in my life that have influenced me as much as volunteering in Honduras for a year with Con-solatio. I returned to the U.S. over 14 years ago, yet I carry the people and experiences so close to my heart, it does not seem that long ago. That year was the beginning of a lifelong journey of looking at my world, my relationships and myself with a gaze of compassion. Con-solatio is a Catholic non-profit organization. Their mission statement states: “Walking with those whose hearts are wearied by loneliness, we seek to offer the comfort, consolation and hope of God’s abiding Presence through personal life-transforming relationships that reveal the beauty and dignity of each person.” The mission is simple, yet profound- it’s a ministry of presence, it’s about being rather than doing, it’s about friendship. Friendship. Our founder, a Catholic priest, had a realization that there are really amazing organizations that provide material needs for people who are suffering- food, shelter, medicine etc. and these are very good. However, when someone is suffering what they also need, or maybe what they need the most, is for a friend to be with them, to walk with them, to be present in their suffering. The image of Mary standing at the foot of the cross became the calling of each volunteer. Most of Jesus’ friends ran away when he was crucified, whether out of fear, shame, or misunderstanding, it was just too much for them to bear, yet Mary remained standing. She wasn’t crushed by the pain, she wasn’t overwhelmed by the anger, she remained present to her son to the very end.
When we encounter suffering, our first reaction is usually to ‘fix’ it. This is not a bad reaction, in fact it is important to try to solve problems, heal wounds and reconcile disagreements, but, there is a danger that when a person becomes merely a problem to be solved, their humanity and their dignity are erased. What I mean is, we can get caught up in the most efficient way to “solve” poverty, cure diseases and “control” disasters that the person in poverty, the person with a disease, and the person effected by some disaster becomes a number or a statistic. In Con-solatio, we have countless stories of a volunteer sitting down next to someone begging on the street and that person exclaiming by the end of the conversation, how much more it meant to them that someone took the time to talk to them. “You are the first person to actually look at me all week!” exclaimed one. Mother Teresa was, at times, criticized for the time she “wasted” on the people dying in the streets of Calcutta. Wouldn’t her time and energy be better spent healing those people who had the possibility of recovery? She never backed down for she was convinced giving a person dignity and care in the last moments of their life was part of answering God’s call to love the lowliest. In our own lives, far removed from the streets of Calcutta or Honduras, we will encounter suffering that is “unsolvable.” My temptation is still to run away, but after so many years of practice, I try to remain standing. I try to hold the hand, be the listening ear, be the presence that remains. I try to be there, rather than do something. I have learned over the years, often my desire to do something stems from my own discomfort or guilt about the situation. I have to slow down to really be present to someone in their suffering. The poor know when we are not being authentic.
The people in Honduras taught me many lessons. They were my teachers of love in so many ways. They became my friends, truly my friends. I cried with the mom whose son joined the gang, when the grandmother was so weary from worry, I prayed a novena for nine days with the entire neighborhood for multiple wakes and funerals. I also laughed with the teenagers who danced and made fun of my gringa accent. I also rejoiced, with a real soul filled kind of joy, over the many meals shared, games played, parties attended, sacraments received. I thought I was going there to love poor people, but they filled me with a richness of love that is beyond what I could have given. They showed me that suffering is everywhere, and accompaniment is the only answer I have to the problem of suffering in the world. I am comforted knowing it was also God’s answer to his suffering people- to become incarnate, to be present. Our name is latin for consolation, or to suffer with.
When I returned home I had reverse culture shock. I was struck by the depression and loneliness that is the norm for so many here in our “rich” country. The loneliness here felt more overwhelming even than the poverty and violence I faced in Honduras. Mother Teresa called New York City the loneliest city in the world, and because of that, Con-solatio founded a community in New York. For a few years, I was part of a Con-solatio community near the campus of Gonzaga because college students also experience great loneliness. I continued to be formed by the many friends who touched my life. One important lesson we all learn in Con-solatio is that we don’t need to be in a developing country to find great suffering. I wanted to share briefly about my personal experience with Con-solatio, because I am excited to share about a book they just published with many beautiful stories from Con-solatio communities all around the world. It is called “Come, Abide” and you can find it on amazon https://www.amazon.com/Come-Abide-solatio-Ministry-Presence/dp/1621388050/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1ES74KPZ63N24&keywords=come+abide&qid=1650937138&sprefix=come+abide%2Caps%2C232&sr=8-1
If you too, would like to begin a journey of compassion, I highly recommend letting these stories of the littlest ones form your heart, like they did mine. If you would like to read this book, but just can’t afford it right now, please reach out. I know we would be able to get a copy into your hands. Happy Easter, friends!
“Con-solatio is a return to love. It is a return to childhood and its question: the one about meaning, about why. Mom, why do I have an arm? Mom, why do I have eyes? Why do I have a master’s in business? – My child, it is so you may love…
There in the chapel of each Con-solatio, amongst the cries of children, far from the universities and seminaries, the greatest discoveries are achieved: outside of love nothing has meaning, except temporarily.”