It’s been a heck of a year. It’s been over a year since we were reminded we’re not that in control. It’s hard to remember what our life was like pre-covid. My barely two year old and four year old are now barely three and five…life will not go back to what it was, life keeps changing and growing. We started responding to this pandemic (in the U.S.) during the religious season of Lent. It seemed appropriate- a time of fasting and sacrificing, a time of focusing on the essential, a time of being with Jesus in the desert. As Lent came around again this year, there were plenty of jokes abounding, “wait, did Lent ever end? Haven’t we had a year long Lent?” For many, it definitely has felt that way. After the initial intense lockdown period last year, as things started to loosen a little, I remember telling my husband, “I’m not actually ready for quarantine to be over.” I didn’t use those first 6 weeks the way I wanted. I still felt pretty weary, very tired of always running, and just plain run down. Little did we realize, this quarantine kind of life was barely beginning. As Lent came around again this year, the thought of adding on more sacrifices to this sacrificial year felt like too much. Thankfully, I was quickly reminded that God, during Advent, had been trying to teach me to receive what is given, and we have been given plenty of sacrifices already. In fact, the more I prayed about it, the more one word kept coming to me- rest. “Rest, beloved.” I fought against it-I can’t rest for my Lenten practice! Lent is a time for discipline, for reminding myself of my sins and failings. How will I grow in spiritual maturity if I sleep my way through Lent?! However, I kept hearing it, “rest,” I kept reading it, “rest,” and I started to see it on so many faces behind the masks- their eyes were desperate for rest, real soul-nourishing rest. Maybe, if I allow myself to rest, I will allow others to rest too.
Our culture is crazy productive. Our work “ethic” is intense. Our value is based on what we “contribute” to society. Our improvement competition has spiraled into every part of our lives-How can we do each thing better and more efficiently- cooking, learning, getting fit, taking the family on perfect vacations, even wearing clothes. The monthly subscriptions to take care of every part of your life are phenomenal. Yet, the age of burn out is younger and younger. We have started to believe our own worth actually is based on our efficiency and production. God commanded his people to rest. He didn’t just recommend it or encourage us to rest after we get our work done- he commanded it. He didn’t just command it for some either- he was very specific that every 7th day all people, animals and the land were to rest. Every 7th year, the same thing. For a whole year God’s people were commanded to allow everyone and everything to rest. A year! I have a hard time trusting my week is not going to fall into total chaos when I take a day to rest. I have a very hard time even imagining what an entire year of rest would look like, especially for a people who were so reliant on the land for pure survival. As I’ve taken on my Lenten practice of rest, I’ve noticed a few things. I have to really prioritize the essential- I tend to be throwing the last dishes in the dishwasher as the sun is setting and bringing in the Sabbath. I do have to work a little harder leading up to it, but not as much as I thought. Most tasks actually can be put off for a time- maybe this does not sound like that much of a game changer, but for me, it has been. I’ve been a slave to what Jennifer Fulwiler calls, the tyranny of the immediate. I have a constant sense of urgency that I just want to finish these things, but even when I do, those things get replaced with something else. There is always the next thing I should be improving on. Often, many of us, take this attitude into our spiritual lives, especially this time of year. I usually make myself a prayer schedule, have daily Bible reading goals, and assign specific fasts and penances to myself. Not that this is all bad, but my attitude around it has forgotten that it’s not through my own effort and works that I will grow closer to God. I create for myself a very handy way to judge whether or not my Lent was good or bad by how many boxes I checked. Maybe I should let God be the judge.
By resting more, I’ve also experienced profoundly that I am loved for me. God, my family, my friends- they love me for me, not just when I’m serving them and doing nice things for them, but all the time. I hope that if I can allow myself to be loved for who I am, not for what I do, I will allow others to feel loved in this way too. Confidence and love go together. I have to let go of a lot of control to let myself rest for an extended period of time. Certain things don’t get done and/or don’t get done the way I like. Yet, in giving up this control, the tightness in my shoulders is gone, (some of) the mood swings in my kids has lessened. I am not the controller of the universe. God takes care of me, even when I’m sleeping. Others step in when I’m not trying to do it all. Confidence and love beget more confidence and love. We only find rest with those we love- a newborn in its mother’s arms, kids in their safe home, when we’re with trusted family members and friends.
God commanded the land to be left fallow for a year. We know that when we do this, it allows the land to be more fertile and fruitful. I hesitate to even bring up this point, for fear that it will just reset our mind back into our obsession with productivity. However, let’s try to think about it differently. Let’s not merely rest because the end result will be more productivity. Let’s rejoice that we can rest and love and allow others to rest and love, and we can trust that even when we do this, the end result will still bear much fruit!