“I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility.” “I think I need to work on myself, before I…” We live in a hyper-prepared world. Intense academics start younger and younger. Competitive sports start younger and younger. Heaven forbid, if you haven’t started working towards retirement right out of college. Planning and preparation are not a bad thing in and of themselves, but can we agree that we’ve gone a little overboard? I’ve been realizing in my own life how with the tiniest things I tell myself “as soon as I finish _____ then I will get to that.” All day long I’m telling my kids I’ll pay attention to them right after____, but many days I never get to the after. I feel fortunate that I have been blessed to be pretty aware of my priorities, what is most important for my life. However, it’s ironic to me that even with this awareness, I often don’t act like I know what’s most important in my life. I’m working on that. When Jesus called Simon and Andrew, they were working, fishing specifically. They dropped their nets to follow what they instantly recognized as most important in their lives. (Mark 1:18) I think I need to work on dropping my nets a little bit more in my life. My SEEL (spiritual exercises for everyday life) director said, as a mother, maybe I can contemplate an image of sometimes dropping my nets, sometimes using the nets as a kind of sling, and sometimes allowing someone else to take over my nets. I can definitely resonate with the disciples working all day and pulling up their nets to find they have caught nothing! Anyway, back to my “being ready” before doing the thing I really should be doing. I hear a lot of people say, first I need to get better at ___________ before I do this other thing that I really desire to do. I think this tends to be a flawed way of thinking. I think it is very rare that we become a better person alone. I think it’s pretty rare that we become a better person through our own strength, effort and will.
Right after college I lived in the mountains mostly alone for a couple months. It was amazing and I was very excited for this time of growth. I made myself a pretty intense schedule of prayer, exercise, reading materials. I was thrilled to finally have time to work on myself and grow spiritually, physically and mentally. I followed through on almost NONE of it. It was still a time of growth, but not by my own effort or strength. Now juxtapose that scenario to the seasons in my life where I have significantly grown as a person- what was the biggest difference? I had to become a better person for someone else. I was a camp counselor for 10 summers. During these summers I woke up early, I pushed myself physically, I contemplated answers to tough questions, and I learned conflict resolution with people I would rather avoid, because my 8 little campers were counting on me to do these things. As a mother, I have found a strength I never would have known I had, if it weren’t for my children. As a teacher, my students constantly challenged me to be sincere and true because they are watching to see if I actually was going to “walk the walk.” As a missionary with Heart’s Home I went to the chapel early every morning because my community was waiting for me to be there. I visited people even when I was tired, because my community members were keeping me accountable. We are supposed to be in community, friends! Our lives don’t make sense until we live this way, until we live for others! Yet so often we believe a lie that we need to be more prepared before we begin this or that relationship, that we better become stronger, smarter, more skillful, more selfless or whatever until we engage with what deep down we’re truly desiring. I hope I can, in some small way, encourage you to drop your nets and dive in to what it is you feel like you are supposed to be doing (which is often tied to what you desire to be doing) whether it’s in the big decisions or in the small, every day stuff. Let’s worry less and quit being so dang prepared!