Catholicism, even with all its bells and whistles, can be dry. Repeating the same words without thinking about them and going through the same motions has a risk of becoming just that: going through the motions. As a teenager, I was pretty emotional (go figure!). However, Catholics tend to not be very good at connecting emotionally to God. I’m not sure why, really. I’m sure it has to do with fear. We’re really good at logic, philosophy, and order, so emotions, maybe just feel too unstable. I sometimes think too, maybe we’re holding onto shame for the mistakes we’ve made in our 2,000 year history. Like, if we show too much passion, someone is going to accuse us of being a crusader or something. Anyways, in my teenage years, I needed a religious place to make sense of my emotions. I found some really amazing protestant friends. One such friend attended the church that was kitty corner from my home. We would get together regularly and talk about our feelings for God. I would go with her to weekly youth group meetings or just weekday church services. I never considered distancing myself from Catholicism, but I was so happy to have a place where it was acceptable, actually normal, to be exuberant and ‘over the top’ about Jesus. Occasionally, she would say something to me about what Catholics believe, it was usually not quite right, but I knew she wasn’t being malicious, so I didn’t worry about it too much. Eventually, I went to one of her weekday meetings and I just wasn’t feeling very “high.” As I was watching the people around me- some were waving their arms, some were crying, some were even laying on the ground resting in the spirit (a very new experience for me), I had a realization that some people here were just making a show. It suddenly felt like a big competition for holiness. I got the impression people were more concerned with who looks most holy? I don’t bring this up as a critique of just Protestantism. Catholicism has its own way that we compete for holiness (maybe wearing or not wearing a veil could be one example). So, I just bring it up as a critique of Christianity as a whole. It will be obvious to others whether our first concern is actually following Jesus or whether our first concern is appearing ‘holy.’
Another moment of gratitude that I hold for my Protestant friends is when I attended a church camp with several of my public school friends in junior high. I had a wonderful week! Towards the end, I overheard someone complaining about how much extra “church time” we’d had this year compared to the last. It was true, most of our days had been spent inside their chapel either listening to talks or singing worship songs rather than outside playing games. However, once again, with my thirst for knowledge of God, I hadn’t even noticed how much time we had spent mostly sitting. On the last day our counselor took us each individually on a little walk to talk with us. On this walk, she asked me if I had ever asked Jesus to be my personal savior. This language was a little unusual to me, but I could tell this was a really important question for her. I thought of all the times I had told Jesus how much I loved him, how I wanted to follow Him, all the times I had asked Him for help. I answered her with an emphatic “yes!” She looked a little surprised and asked me for a few more details. Looking back now, it makes me laugh- she was probably more than a little surprised to have the only Catholic girl at camp say yes to already having been saved. In a way, I’m glad that I was so naïve to the conflicts between Catholics and protestants. I knew nothing of Church history, and my ignorance allowed me to assume the best. I knew there were differences between denominations, but I didn’t think too hard on them. I just saw that we all loved Jesus. I am still grateful to my Protestant friends for showing me that a personal friendship with Jesus is the center of Christianity. I’m grateful for the deep desire for unity that these youthful, naïve days planted within me. It is a scandal, and absolutely heartbreaking that Christianity is so divided and conflicted. I know there are no simplistic methods, but Jesus’ last wish was that “they be one.” (John 17:21). Unity will not come from uniformity. Unity in the spirit is creative, it will be manifested in diversity.