I’m going to take a moment to call the kettle black. Since I was young, I’ve felt a passion for life. I want to experience all life has to offer and I have a serious fear of missing out. In my small high school, it was possible to play a sport every season, be in a couple of clubs and act in the school play…so I did. By my senior year, however, I was exhausted. I was not going to admit my exhaustion to my mom, who must have tried to tell me countless times: “Amy, you can NOT do everything!” However, I, at least thought about my priorities, what really mattered to me and vowed that when I started college I was just going to spend my ‘extracurricular’ time hanging out with friends. That self-made promise did not last long- partly because I needed to make said friends, partly because of “fomo” and partly because I’m also really bad at saying ‘no.’ The consequence of trying to do it all in high school is pretty low- some stress and exhaustion. The consequences of trying to do it all as an adult can be much more detrimental.
Our culture does not make it easy to make wise and healthy choices. When presented with a variety of “good” choices, most of us hear a voice that says, these are all good things and you can have them all, especially if you work hard enough. It’s easy to choose between good and bad choices, but choosing between all good choices is extremely difficult. Several years ago, I finally started saying ‘no’ to really good things: fun events, volunteering for worthwhile causes, trips, interesting lectures (yes, I’m a nerd), and, most recently, my job that I loved. For a while, I even started “planning” one evening a week where I would plan nothing. It was a fascinating experiment, because it was unbelievable how quickly invitations (or should I say solicitations) appeared that would fill that space, if I wasn’t on guard. Sometimes I had to say “no” 3 or 4 times for that one weekday evening!
When I was in Honduras with Heart’s Home, we had a little calendar that had birthdays of the many friends that former volunteers had made. It was a way to help continue the friendships as new volunteers came and went. The over-achiever in me took that calendar and ran with it. There was a period of time where I was making a birthday cake just about every day. My sister of community, finally said to me pretty sternly, “we are not a cake making factory!” At the time, I was pretty offended. Couldn’t she see how amazing of a Heart’s Home we are- we are making sure every kid in our calendar gets a birthday cake! My pride wasn’t quite ready to hear the wisdom in what she was trying to remind me. Our mission was to befriend those who are suffering, to encourage them and console them. It is a mission of being with people, not just doing things for people. I had turned loving people into a recipe, literally. I had sacrificed quality for quantity.
Quality vs. quantity. It’s a no-brainer when I put it that way: I want quality. I want depth. So, why am I constantly choosing quantity?? Quality friendships, meaningful encounters with God, quality books that transform me, quality meals that nourish me, deep conversations that reveal sincerity…why is it so difficult? It takes planning, careful discernment, and an acute awareness of priorities to be able to revolve one’s life around what really matters.
I was so proud of my husband last week, because he’s so much better at this than I am. He was given a promotion, which is of course, flattering and exciting. Before accepting it, however, he sat down with them and said that he’s not willing to put in a lot of extra hours. He told them that if he has to choose between time and money, he chooses time. He. Chooses. Time. Dare I say, quality time.
On a visit to New York to visit Heart’s Home, my husband and I were getting ready to spend the afternoon at the MET. Before heading out we were given some wise advice. They said, “try to plan ahead, pick a couple of pieces that you would really like to see, then seek out those pieces and spend time gazing at them. Otherwise, it can be very easy to become lost and leave after several hours not really sure what you even saw.” I’d like to encourage you for your life to pick those few pieces that speak to you, seek them out and spend time soaking in their details. Let’s not get lost in this beautiful maze of life and leave it not really sure what added meaning and depth.