Receiving What is Given

I’m a dreamer. I like to have big goals and make detailed plans on how to achieve these goals. I get a thrill out of writing things in my planner, scheduling dates and prioritizing and then re-prioritizing my to-do list. As I accomplish certain things, I dream up new goals pretty quickly. However, this year and particularly this Advent (the religious season leading up to Christmas) I realized that certain goals always seem just out of reach because of this or that excuse. I don’t have time because it’s finals week, I’m working a new job, have a new baby, or just dealing with this or that interruption. This year, many, if not most of my usual go-to excuses have been taken away. I actually have quite a lot of time on my hands that could be used to focus on certain aspirations, so why am I still not? This past Advent I was re-inspired to receive what is given- rather than trying to plan and stretch and over-achieve; just receive the reality in front of me instead of reaching for an “ever out there reality.”

Every ‘yes’ has many implied ‘no’s.’ A ‘yes’ to a job, is a ‘no’ to other jobs; a ‘yes’ to a house is a ‘no’ to other houses and neighborhoods; a ‘yes’ to a spouse, is a ‘no’ to committing one’s life to anyone else in that way. I think part of the problem many of us have is we try to say ‘yes’ to the implied ‘no’s’ and we wind up a little crazy. It is a great thing that we are able to find our dream job even if it is on the other side of the country, that our kids can go to the best schools or join the best sports teams, that if the church on the other side of town sounds like a better fit we can go, but I’m starting to wonder if we have forgotten about the implied ‘no’s’ involved in these pursuits. I’m starting to wonder if this constant pursuit of the best has left many of us pretty non-committal and/or committed but crazy with planning and driving and arranging and manufacturing a perfect reality.

I’m not saying we should stop pursuing higher aspirations, especially, if we sense a divine calling in these aspirations, but I think, at least for me, right now I’m going to try to focus more on receiving what is given. We have a lovely little church a few minutes away from us in our rural community that is comprised of mostly elderly. Will it be a perfect community? Of course not, but maybe God wants to speak to us more intergenerationally. As my kids grow and want to do sports, if the implied ‘no’ will be time for family dinner, I do not want them saying ‘yes.’ I sometimes feel very opinionated about food economics and agricultural sustainability, but I am not strong enough to become a vegetarian. Then I remembered Catholics have a long tradition of fasting from meat on Fridays. Instead of feeling guilty for not being radical enough, we decided to say ‘yes’ to this tradition that is given and do this very small thing, which ultimately means eating less meat. I see people talking about the importance of self-care (I don’t disagree) and going on week-long trips to get away or spending exorbitant amounts of money at a spa. Then I remembered the Judeo-Christian tradition calls for rest on the Sabbath. We decided to actually rest on Sundays, which for us means going on a walk after church, having an oven-baked meal, and reading or talking to a friend while my husband watches football. I used to spend Sundays catching up on the past week and preparing for the week to come.

Our culture has become so fragmented and I think part of creating a unified life means receiving what is given gratefully. In Spanish, there is a word for ‘to give’ and there is another word for ‘to gift.’ Maybe we can start thinking more of what is given in front of us as gifted to us. There will always be something better if I just changed this or that about my reality…but I’m not convinced that’s actually reality.