Top Three Parenting Books
Before I became a parent I was quite confident in my parenting abilities. I have worked with kids since I was a pre-teen. My jobs have mostly always revolved around children ranging in ages, ethnicities, socio-economic levels etc. I literally have a degree in teaching children. I cannot describe how much I was humbled by having an actual child! My son took everything I thought I knew about parenting and threw it out the window. I thought it could be helpful to you other parents out there, or some day parents or grandparents, if I compiled my top three books that have greatly helped me gain a little confidence in the world of parenting.
- One Beautiful Dream by Jennifer Fulwiler. I cannot recommend this book enough. It’s not exactly a parenting book, but it’s still my number one. First of all, Jennifer Fulwiler is hilarious and we all need to lighten the heck up when it comes to parenting! Her ridiculous stories are so funny, because we can imagine them. Being a parent has its outrageous moments. In her own journey of motherhood, she begins to realize that our generation of mothers has placed some outlandish expectations on ourselves, when those expectations are not met we respond with guilt and this terrible cycle continues. Her message is that we, as mothers (and fathers too) need to have a passion and that our children and our families will blossom and grow when we are blossoming and growing. She tells her stories from a place of faith that is interwoven throughout her journey.
- Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood by Jim Fay and Charles Fay. I have followed and practiced Love and Logic since I was first exposed to it in undergrad. However, I really struggled to figure out how to apply it to toddlers until this book. I think the most important reason I appreciate Love and Logic now is its resistance towards entitlement. We all know entitled adults who were once entitled children. As a parent now, I completely get how easy it would be to “love” my children wrongly, to “love” them by rescuing them from any mistakes or consequences of their actions, to “love” them by making sure they always have everything they want and don’t have to struggle to get it, to “love” them by protecting them from conflict and criticism. This is the opposite of Love and Logic methods. It is HARD! I am not going to say I use their methods all the time, but I do believe it is important to try. This book has a lot of “one-liners” that respond to the common every day occurrences. Love and Logic focuses on choices and responsibility. The child needs to learn to make choices now while the consequences are still relatively small. They need to be given freedom and at the same time have firm boundaries. They need to know that they are loved unconditionally, even when they make bad choices, that the consequences are unrelated to your love for them. If this sounds complicated, it’s actually not. I really think this book will give you some confidence in how to implement their methods and form responsible, thoughtful, generous, good human beings. (No pressure, right!)
- Raising a Secure Child by Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper, and Bert Powell with Christine M. Benton. If you have not been fortunate enough to hear a talk by Kent Hoffman, go look him up right now. He is a Psychology professor at Gonzaga who studies Attachment Theory and works with homeless, pregnant teens. The message of his talk that I’ve been blessed enough to hear a few times is that every person has infinite worth. Every person has infinite worth. This book is academic and focuses on a parenting style he calls Circle of Security. An infant must have their needs responded to. They must know that the world is a safe place, that when they cry, someone will come try to soothe them. If every child felt loved and secure in the core of their being, I think we would see a lot less problems in our world! After infancy, children follow a circular pattern. If they are secure and well attached, they will go out to explore and grow for a while, then they will return to their firm foundation for support and recognition to be filled up before they go back out again. Holding our children too close because the world out there is scary and throwing our children out into the world so they learn to be brave and independent are the two poles that we tend to follow and both are harmful.
The goal of recommending these books is only to share the ones that have helped me. All three of these state that there are no perfect parents and perfect parenting is not the goal. There are way too many voices in the parenting world and often they are contradictory or just plain unreasonable. Have confidence. Your children need you to be you.
Thanks for sharing! I will check this out! I loved The Whole Brained Child and No Drauma Discipline by Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. They’re MDs and PHDs and know their stuff. I just ordered How to Talk So kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk which I keep seeing recommended everywhere. Thank goodness for research and people with more experience who can share their lessons!
Yes! I wanted to include The Whole Brain Child in my list as well, so helpful for understanding what’s going on in our little one’s brains. Dan Siegel actually gives the forward to the Kent Hoffman book. Thanks for your recommendation as well!