We know that God’s love for us is unconditional. We humans tend to put conditions on our love- we love people who are lovable, who do something for us, or who we want to be loved by. In order to begin to know God’s infinite love for us, we must experience a glimpse of finite love from others. Two memories came to mind recently that I wanted to share.
When I was in Honduras I began to have a bit of an identity crisis. You see I had spent many angsty teenage years figuring out which characteristics of mine I liked (or at least was ok with), what talents I had, and which parts of myself I was proud of and wanted others to notice about me. I had pretty much determined that I was good at working with kids, I was usually nice and good at listening which caused people to seek me out if they needed a comforting presence. Well, I got to Honduras and the kids couldn’t care less about all the tricks I learned to work with them and the people we knew had several listening ears and comforting presences, so I was usually last to be sought out. I was telling the priest in our community about this: how I thought this year was supposed to help me be my true self and yet I feel like I’ve been stripped of everything that was particularly good about me, my few talents were worthless. Now before I tell you his response, I want you to imagine what you would say to someone who is telling you they no longer feel good at such and such thing. I know my response would probably be to attempt to encourage them by flattering them with praise and telling them they actually are still talented and wonderful etc. His response was void of any praise, he merely looked at me and said, “Amy, we (your community) don’t love you because you are so talented and have some great personality. We love you because you are Amy.” Wow, how freeing it is to not have to keep up a certain amount of ‘being good’ in order to be loved. Sure, it is nice when someone notices something good about us, but it is even better to know we are loved regardless.
The second memory that came to me was when I first got pregnant. Of course I knew Jed loved me when we got married. Our first 8 months of marriage I enjoyed ‘playing house.’ I made yummy homemade meals, kept the house clean, and organized our schedules with friends. Then we got pregnant. My first trimester of pregnancy knocked me out. I would return from teaching around 4, lay down on the couch and not wake up until Jed asked me if I was up for eating anything and then would carry me to bed mostly asleep. All the helpful activities I’d been doing went completely away. It was not an easy time for either of us, but, again, how freeing it felt to experience that Jed’s love for me wasn’t dependent on being the “good wife.”
None of us love perfectly all the time. I have to forgive myself for not loving other’s perfectly and I have to forgive those who have not loved me perfectly either. My hope for you is that you have experienced a few people who have shown you a finite version of God’s unconditional love. I hope you can rest in the knowledge that God is not waiting for you to “be better” to love you- He already loves you just as you are.