It has been quite a while since I’ve shared what I’ve been reading. I tend to listen to mostly audiobooks, because there is some law in parenting that if I open an actual book, that is the moment that something spills, big brother hits little sister, or my own eyelids become so heavy…well you get the idea. I would love to hear what you’ve been reading!
The Cultivated Life by Susan S. Phillips. I read this one kind of like a devotional. Each chapter focused on a theme of cultivation. Resting, slowing down, paying attention, listening, attachment, friendship, delight were all encouraged as ways to live a life of quality and connection. It was definitely my kind of book.
True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis de Montfort. I read this book more as a form of prayer in preparing to be a foster mother. Catholics don’t worship Mary, but we do love her and see her as our own spiritual mother or foster mother. It was written in the very pious 1700s language that can feel irritating to my ears at times. However, my mom had this book on her nightstand and pages were literally falling out from how often she turned to it, so that was a beautiful experience to share with her.
Hold Onto Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., and Gabor Mate, M.D. This one really spoke to me. From an attachment theory perspective, these psychologists explain some cultural phenomena that is really troubling for our kids. The last 60 years have seen a paradigmatic shift in our cities, neighborhoods, and country. It is expected that parents are the full (and only) caretakers for their kids. This puts enormous pressure on parents and it’s not healthy for kids. For most of history, kids have been raised by many adults- extended family, neighbors and people in the community, but more and more kids are predominantly separated from adults and surrounded by peers. Teachers and coaches play important roles in helping kids attach to adults and grow and mature, but teachers and coaches are often completely outnumbered and are starting from scratch to build a relationship (as opposed to the teachers and coaches already being a part of their parents’ village and someone familiar to the child). This puts our child’s brain into crisis and rather than attach to healthy adults, the child in a state of stress, attaches to the person around- another peer. The problem is that the peer can not help a child mature, feel secure, and grow because the peer is equally immature and insecure. We spend so much time worrying about our kids being socialized, but the irony is that kids will be better socialized and mature naturally if they attach to caring adults. The overall message from this book is to spend much more time making sure our kids have multiple caring adults in their lives, and much less time placing them in peer group after peer group.
Poverty of Spirit by Johannes Baptist Metz. This is a very short book and also a second reading for me. It has profound thoughts on what it means to be human.
The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah. I guess this is the only fiction novel I’ve read in over a year. I love fiction, so I’m not sure why I read it so little. This book did not disappoint. It is set during the great depression and dust bowl era. It follows a woman and her struggle migrating to California. She does a great job of putting us in the shoes of those who are poor and struggle just to survive. One of the themes I love with Kristin Hannah is she writes about strong women. I’ve also noticed most of her heroines are strong because of a child, usually an unexpected child. The Great Alone, The Winter Garden, and The Nightingale are all great reads too.
Various short stories by Flannery O’Connor. I listened to a talk hosted by Con-solatio (the organization with whom I was sent to Honduras) and given by a woman in New York who is putting many of Flannery O’Connor’s works onstage. I was inspired to finally read some from this remarkable American author. I read “A Good Man is Hard to Find,” “Temple of the Holy Ghost,” and “Everything that Rises Must Converge.” They should be read slowly, like poetry. I wish I could discuss them with a book club as every line was so rich with meaning.
Target Africa Ideological Neocolonialism in the Twenty-First Century by Obianuju Ekeocha. The author is a Nigerian woman who is brilliant. She continues the critique of colonialism by showing how many countries in Africa are still being colonized, only this time they are being colonized by an ideology, specifically an ideology of sexual liberation. She shows through data, statistics, money, laws and organizations how the western nations are obsessed with bringing ‘sexual liberation’ to Africa, even though many of their cultures want nothing to do with it. Billions (yes billions) of dollars are spent on contraceptives and condoms that go unused, because the people don’t want them. When the African people say they don’t want them (and the promiscuity that goes with it) they are condescendingly told they need to be educated, so they can be less backwards and even more money goes into “educating” them. Certain aid is even tied to holding specific “educational” conferences or changing laws around abortion. There is a belief in western nations that we can reduce poverty by reducing people in poverty. This belief is implied in many settings, even though it has no bearing in reality, and is outrageously condescending. The people of Africa see the absurdity of this belief. “In 2014, the United States and the United Kingdom targeted 31 percent and 43 percent, respectively, of their African aid to population control” (170) “A most outrageous case of Western supremacy is the anti-carbon campaign launched by Population Matters, an organization based in the United Kingdom. A few days before the 2009 Copenhagen Climate Summit, it launched PopOffsets, a website that enables individuals and organizations to offset their carbon emissions by making online donations for contraception and sterilization in Kenya, Tanzania, Ethiopia, and other developing countries, even though the carbon emissions per capita in the United Kingdom is more than 135 times higher than that in Ethiopia. Go ahead, commandeer the world’s resources and live self-indulgently, Population Matters seems to be suggesting, so long as you prevent a poor African from being born.” (149) Throughout the book, Ekeocha asks, “how does practically sterilizing the poorest women in the world give them control over famine, draught, disease, and poverty? It does not make them more educated or more employable. It does not provide food or safe drinking water. It does not make African women happier or more satisfied in their marriages. No. This extensive contraception project will only make them sterile at the cheapest rate possible. This is certainly not what we African women have asked for. It is not the help that our hearts crave amidst the trials and difficulties of Africa. But in a world of shocking cultural imperialism, it is what our “betters” have chosen for us” (55). Since we are harsh in condemning the colonizers who came before us (and rightly so), it would be wise for us to look very closely at our motives and justifications for choosing the ‘good’ for an entire continent while implying their cultural beliefs around these issues are backwards.
I am pleasantly surprised to remember more books that I’ve read this past year or so, so I’ll pause here and continue with part two. Please share your lists with me.