When the world of Narnia is coming to an end, the sun has become red. The characters in this fantasy world recognize that a red sun is an old, dying sun. For the past 6 summers I have thought of this Narnian sun as our skies have filled with smoke, so much so, that our sun has turned a dark, deep red. It is beautiful, I must admit, in a strange, ominous way. Normally, it is not possible to look directly at our sun, even though it is what allows us to look at everything else.
Fire. It brings warmth, light. In small doses, people are attracted to it. In darkness, people revolve around fire, the way our planets revolve around the sun. It is powerful. I once witnessed a fire rage through a lodge and I’ve never viewed fire the same again. Fire consumes.
The day I took my newborn son home from the hospital, ash was falling from the sky. I was wheeled across the skybridge, windows on all sides, wondering what had happened to the world in the three days I’d been cooped up in my little universe of a hospital room. Fear gripped me, not so much for me, but for this precious life who had only been breathing air for 3 days. Our bodies, however, can not stay in a state of fear for long. We just aren’t capable of holding all the loss and destruction that we are constantly aware of. We become de-sensitized. We push our fears down, because they are just too much. Like most feelings however, when we push them down, they creep back into our lives elsewhere. I try to teach my son that sometimes we feel scared because there could be danger around, sometimes fear is trying to tell us something.
This year we have had to deal with multiple collective crises. We can no longer hold in our heads and our hearts the devastation of lives lost, realities of injustice, and now, for those who call the northwest home- record breaking fires and its consequential unbreathable smoke. I understand the desire to get back to the way things were before, but maybe this year, even with all its devastation, is a chance for us to create a new, better way of life. Our way of living and relating was not sustainable in so many ways. It was not sustainable for our poor, overused earth. Not sustainable for our mental health- there is a reason our country is completely burnt out, anxious and depressed. Not sustainable for families- we can not keep piling more and more expectations on families while dissolving all communities of support. Our life before 2020 should not be our goal. We were in desperate need of being shaken up. I know that I am probably not going to make big changes in my way of life without being nearly forced to. I am very change averse, I hate change, like, a lot. However, since many of us are having to figure out anew so many things that previously were just assumed- work, school, childcare, foods we eat, how we spend time, maybe while we figure out new systems- we can keep certain priorities ablaze. The sickness and brokenness of so many aspects of our old life have been laid bare-let’s stop making our old life the goal. We need our extended families closer and more connected, we need communities, we need profound experiences in nature, we need friends, we need to stop rushing, we need to know there is a greater power holding us. These things are not supplemental, things that are nice to have- they are absolutely essential, as essential as the air we breathe. We have gotten far away from many of these necessities. We have accidentally sacrificed way too much in pursuit of material comforts and temporary happiness.
When a fire blazes through an area, it leaves a fertile ground of ash. When the world of Narnia ends, they are led to a world that is even more beautiful and grander than Narnia was. The only antidote to fear is hope. Our fear has been trying to tell us something for a while now. Instead of convincing ourselves we don’t need to fear, let’s together (none of us can do this alone) lean into our fear, mourn the losses, and hope for a new world