I have a strong desire to change the world. One of the things I loved about my years in college was being surrounded by other people who also had a great passion for changing the world. Everywhere I looked were young adults with energy, optimism and inspirational causes. I was encouraged, inspired and my eyes were opened to global sufferings, to populations I hadn’t ever considered, and to the systems of oppression that led to many of these situations. I wondered if the fire we felt would dissipate like a firework in the sky.
As I got older and continued to work with various populations who suffer in different ways, I had a big realization that my desire to change the world, while well intended, can sometimes actually be a great distraction for me. Let me explain. I can spend a lot of time in my head. I am beyond inspired by the great saints and revolutionaries. They inspire me to imagine that when faced with some desperate situation, person in peril or evil tyrant, I would respond in the most heroic of ways-sacrificing my body, time, money or energy to save the poor people from ruin. I do hope that’s true, but meanwhile my imagination has pulled me away from the reality in front of me. Meanwhile, I have passed up countless opportunities to sacrifice my body, time, money or energy in small ways, because I imagine I’m somehow storing up for the big way that’s coming. One of the most striking times I realized this was my first few months in Honduras. I had arrived with my heroic visions and, therefore, felt disappointed by “wasting” my time playing with the kids or merely having coffee with a sick or scared friend…I wanted to create a revolution! Thank goodness, God brought me back to reality, because only in reality can we become who we are meant to be.
When I read the autobiography of Dorothy Day, I had a few moments of guilt. I thought to myself, man I’m a terrible Christian. Here’s a woman who was jailed repeatedly for marching for the rights she believed in, who literally welcomed the poor and homeless in to share life with her, who created communities committed to opposing violence and injustice. What am I doing with my life?! However, guilt is usually not a good reason to do something. Through prayer, I was reminded that my particular calling in life involves being present in little ways to those who need a friend. I am grateful that God has called some to be radicals and revolutionaries. I am also grateful that God has given me a quieter calling, even if it sometimes feels less important. Mother Teresa is quoted as saying, “if you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” There are times, I can almost imagine her patronizingly patting me on the head and telling me I’m not cut out for this kind of work. However, in my better moments, I can hear the great truth and wisdom in her words. I can have big opinions about creating peace in the middle east, but then I come home and lose my temper with my kids and bring up a 4 month old resentment with my husband. I can have big critiques about consumerism, but then I come home tired so I waste money on a frivolous, quick meal. I can complain about the corruption in government, but did I really mind when I was given special treatment that someone else didn’t get? I can imagine that when given the big opportunity I would be a hero, but I’m fooling myself when I realize I can’t even be peaceful, simple or fair in small ways. There is only so much time and energy in a day. I can spend it arguing with a hypothetical person in my head or I can focus it on the little realities that are in front of me each day. I can show my care for the earth by using cloth diapers and planting my garden. I can show my love for unborn babies and women by throwing and attending baby showers. I can show my concern for immigrants by sharing their stories. If I can begin to give real love, real care and real attention in little ways to the people I see every day, rather than the imaginary love, care and attention I think about giving in big ways, I have to believe that slowly and quietly the world may change. I can trust I’ve responded to my calling and given the rest to God.
Now, don’t assume that I’ve come to this realization because I just don’t like discussing politics. I have to say that I’ve solved quite a few world problems over a bottle of wine with a few close friends until 2 in the morning. My husband and I know the words that must not be mentioned too late in the evening or we’ll end up spending the next 90 minutes discussing such and such topic that, obviously, we could solve…if only everyone listened to us. I enjoy learning, discussing and debating. It only becomes a problem when it takes me out of reality. Maybe you are called to be a radical, if so, I admire you. Maybe, like me, your calling is a bit less noticeable. If so, I encourage you to focus on your everyday realities. Don’t act out of guilt. To some, it will never be enough. Trust that loving in small ways is just as worthy of a cause as the next.