“She needs wide open spaces, room to make her big mistakes,” I would belt out along with The Chicks in my late teen/early twenties. In nature, I still need those wide open spaces- looking up at the stars, gazing at the vast ocean, or summiting the top of a mountain and seeing out as far as the eye can see. I always feel a sense of peace and connectedness in these spaces that is incomparable…and I crave it. Someone told me once looking at the stars or the ocean helps us to put our life into perspective. Most of our problems can suddenly seem pretty insignificant when you’re looking out at the cosmos. I used to believe I loved being on top of a mountain because I loved seeing the beautiful big picture. You don’t notice the bit of litter or the broken down spot when you can see across hills and valleys in one setting. The big picture is beautiful, even if there are broken places in the midst of it. I still really love that as a metaphor.
Building and moving into a new house, a new space, has me thinking a lot about the importance of space. I’ve known for a long time that my external physical space around me affects my internal mental space considerably. It’s hard for me to work if my area is cluttered. I recently listened to an audiobook called Declutter Like a Mother, by Allie Casazza. Her introduction states the studies and statistics that back up what I’ve already known- that clutter and messes actually do affect our mental/emotional states in negative ways. She repeats the mantra, “what takes up our space takes up our time,” throughout the book. I have gotten major decision fatigue this year from the million choices we’ve had to make building the house combined with the constant decisions that parenting young children causes all day long. I am looking forward to simplifying our space in the new house, as best as I can. I’m working on de-cluttering so that my daily decisions are minimized. I’m way too sentimental to become a true minimalist, but I do find a lot of value in their lifestyle. I have heard many studies on children before as well. Giving children too many choices will actually overwhelm them. A child plays longer with a couple toys vs many toys. Children will play in a smaller radius if it’s not clear where the boundary is vs children playing all the way to the fence when there is an actual fence. Space matters. Boundaries matter.
We have reached the stage with our foster baby where she is constantly exploring… aka crawling from one bookshelf to the next to pull every book out. Then going to every coffee table, end table etc. to throw down anything we dared to put on a table. Our only choice during this stage is to live in a house where we don’t put anything below two feet or to just live with mini tornadoes of stuff surrounding us all day until the kids go to bed each night. She has made us acutely aware of just how much stuff we actually own and has given us good motivation to not bring so much stuff to our next house.
I see how much my kids also need the “wide open spaces” that I still sing about, when they are outside in nature. Their bodies need to move in ways that are just not conducive to being indoors. They need the fresh air and especially the space. However, just as important as open space is also closed space. We all need boundaries and security. We all need a space where others cannot intrude. Babies do not know where they are in space and so we swaddle them to make them feel secure and grounded. I need a space to go that is mine, that is quiet, that is soft. Other than the bedrooms, our current and new house is an “open concept.” I still appreciate and enjoy the “open concept” however, there are times where I almost feel violated by the ability for anyone in my household to interrupt me and interact with me at all times. In “The Immortal Awfulness of Open Plan Workplaces” an opinion article by David Brooks, he cites various studies that show how open office space creates a substantial decrease in productivity, collaboration, socialization and health. Wow, just from not working within a room with walls?!? However, it makes sense that we can only handle so much of a boundaryless work environment. I am always struck that when I am in a very public place with many people, I try to avoid eye contact, yet when I go on a hike and only pass by one person every 20 minutes or less, we always smile and greet each other and even comment on the weather. I’m much more able to engage and be social when I’ve had space and solitude first. I believe we all need both to varying degrees- times of privacy and solitude and times of openness and engagement. Our physical space influences both.
On a spiritual level, a literal mountain of books have been written on the topic of emptiness and poverty, so I could easily make my whole post just on this topic. I won’t, but I can’t talk about how physical space affects us without, at least mentioning, how much it affects us spiritually. When I lived in Honduras all my personal belongings fit into one suitcase. I slept on a twin bed with one thin blanket. I showered in cold water. I missed certain comforts from home, of course, but my life was simplified and, honestly, wonderful. When I couldn’t rely on material goods or old habits to bring me security, comfort and pleasure, I had to find them somewhere else. Only when I was emptied of all the trivial ‘stuff’, was there room inside me for other deeper and longer lasting peace and joy. I had to be forced to be dependent on God, but this emptiness led to a fullness that was greater than I could have imagined.
I also could not mention the importance of space without mentioning the importance of beauty. Human beings are sensual. We need to hear beautiful music, see beauty, eat delicious food, feel softness and tenderness and, even smell rich, warm scents to be human! Utilitarianism fails us by measuring our humanity in numbers and efficiency. As I’m doing the work to de-clutter, I am also trying to incorporate beauty. I admit it’s not my talent. Home décor is probably one of my least gifted abilities. Thankfully, outside our home is plenty breathtaking and we chose to have big windows. Inside, I will just slowly work on creating spaces that are warm, welcoming, and cozy for our guests and ourselves.